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This is  I've been sitting here playing NES games for the past few hours, I got this kickass Xbox with emulators and like every NES, SNES and Genesis game ever on it. So naturally I'm playing all the games I used to have when I was little, I remember a time when I didnt go to school, and just got to pay video games all day. That was the life, then I had to start going to school, that was age 3, kinda nuts how far back I can remember when I think hard enough. One thing that comes with the nostalgia of playing old games is remembers other things I've associated with those games, my old living room in my house in Lansing, my puppy, friends that used to play video games with me, but most importantly how I felt back then. Depressed. Kinda weird to realize just how depressed I was back then, and how I really didn't understand that's what it was. It makes sense though little kids need attention, I got it from my mom when she was able, but she wasn't always around, and that made me sad. I was a sad little kid, but I had the NES to keep my mind occupied. I was always sad, I remember trying to express this to people, but I don't think I quite knew how. My mom would always tell me things like "You have all these toys and bikes and video games, and some kids in the world don't have anything" she figured something like that would cheer me up, all it really did was make me more depressed. I was a compassionate little guy. I still am, and fuck you. Alone. That's how I felt as a kid, nothings changed, I always feel alone. I always feel sad. Sad is like my default emotion. I wonder if its because of how I was raised, moving around a lot, sometimes I was with my grandparents, sometimes my dad, sometimes my aunt and uncle, until I was old enough (like 12/13) to be on my own. I've always spend most of my time alone. I don't like being alone, but I do. I guess I'm conflicted on that one. Anyways... These days they say I have a chemical imbalance in my brain that causes me to be depressed. The remedy, pills that "fix" the imbalance. I've always thought this was bullshit, but never knew why. The pills don't make me happy, and they sure as shit don't make me not depressed, which is why I stopped taking them. I haven't gone down the pills road in like 5 years, its a good thing. Now I think I do understand it all. There is no imbalance, my brain is just fine, depression comes from a lifetime of loneliness. It started when I was too young to even understand these things. My developing mind felt alone, and that's just how it works, in my earliest years my default was set. I could blame those who raised me. I could blame my biological father for leaving, or my mother for being so busy, but theirs no point. My mother did what she thought was best for me, I know that to be true, she always did, she had no way of knowing this, hell it took me 23 nearly 24 years to figure it out for myself. Knowing this, I don't think I'll ever really be able to overcome the feeling of sadness I have in my everyday life, nor the feeling that I'm always alone, even when I'm surrounded by people. The ability to learn is a very interesting characteristic among our people. I try and remember my golden years of learning, just thinking about it blows my mind. I wonder, will I ever be fit to teach a growing mind? I've influenced my young brother, that's a given. I wonder how? I wonder what he will remember about me when he was 2? 3? 4? If you see me, smile, I'll try and return the favor. (2 cocks 8==DRock out with you're cock out) I still dunno if I'm getting that house or not, after this much time passing, I'm gonna have to assume I'm just not gonna get it. Bummer, I want my own house, that I can raise chickens in. Astronaut -> Pilot -> Fisherman -> Farmer -> Bum If I can't do one I'll just work my way down, then up the list, living in the city with chickens would be my first step twords farmer. Right now, im a bum. Life is frustrating, nothing new. Work is going well, so is Montie... I guess. Either place I go I have to deal with wing wangs and buttheads, hence why I want my own house. I need quite time, I never get it. I want stuff, not things, stuff, I dont like wanting stuff, oh well. (1 cock 8==DRock out with you're cock out) I really enjoy having sunday/monday off work. I can spend my days off playing video games and doing whatever. I'm currently working on... Goldeneye - N64 Earthbound - SNES Super Mario World - SNES (going for 100%, already beat all the star worlds) Of course I'm still playing www.the-west.net, nicknoble on world 7, and I think I'm gonna start another guy on a different server. No word on the house yet, still have no clue if I'm gonna get it, and if I do, no clue when I'm gonna move in. I'd like to stay at Montie for at least the rest of the semester. I really like it here even though I get pretty sick of it sometimes, whatever I'm ready for change. it's always difficult, I hate change. I just don't know what to do with my day, there is a fort battle in the west today, its not a fort my town is allied with, and as far as I know none of my allies are allies with this fort, but the attacker of the fort is from an alliance of towns called Domination. Domination's leader dueled me the other day, fuck that guy, im gonna defend against his attack. Fun game. Still no word/prospect on selling my World of Warcraft account. I don't play much anymore, and will probally stop altogether when my prepayed time runs out in January, we'll see though. it's still fun to play if I'm not playing 10+ hours a day, I fell good with the like 0-3/day. I hope this year I can get my old job back. The one at Sundance Riding Stables, working the haunted hay ride. It's really sweet, you just hang out outside with a small bon fire and every now and then you jump out from behind a tree and scare people. It was one of the best jobs I ever had. I used to show up to work with a bad of hot dogs and buns, and you get payed like $30/night and like $40 if you work overtime. Totally worth it. Current music: Dr. Dre - A Nigga Witta Gun. (2 cocks 8==DRock out with you're cock out) Got some allergy tests done today, turns out, nothing new. but the doctor did have apple juice, which was pretty exciting. I fucking love apple juice. Today was a pretty productive day, I played all sorts of different video games, also I hung out with my grandma. I like my grandma, but I don't like like her, ya know? Nothing new with the house yet, although I did go and check out all the property out back, looks like its pretty sweet. I'm tired, fuck writing. (Rock out with you're cock out) No root canal's just yet. Looks like I might get away without needing one. Let's hope that's the case if its all the same I'd still rather not have a dead tooth chillin' in my mouth. Better then my ass I guess, but what would a dead tooth be doing up my ass? I'm hungry as fuck, but my mouth is still numb from the novocaine, or whatever they use these days. I can't eat right now, I'll end up biting my tongue off. I can't have soup, because I'll ended up burning the shit out of my mouth. Damnit. I need to check my work schedule, because my dumbass forgot to write it down, yeah I made another appointment without thinking about when I need to work. This is why I hate mornings, I've been up nearly 4 hours now and Katz is still closed. So here I am, wasting time until I can figure this shit out. I think I'm going to try and open an account at MSUFCU, I've lived in East Lansing for over a year now, I think its about time I get on this shit. Oh, I stopped by that house again today and took some photos. As it is now I'm waiting for some dude to call me so he can show me the inside. Hurry the fuck up already asswipe. Photos. From the front  Side view  Back  Garage  Back 
(2 cocks 8==DRock out with you're cock out) HOLY FUCK! I was riding home from work today on the CATA, reading my book and not paying attention to anything, as we were stopping at one of the bus stops, a girl in the back started screaming, I looked back and saw her pointing out the window, and I followed her stare. Out in a unfenced yard were three guys, two of them standing, one of them was on the ground, bloody, the taller of the two men had a large stick and was about ready to smash it into the downed man’s head again, when the men realized a whole busload was looking at them. As the bus driver called the police, the other man who hadn’t been doing anything, took a pistol out of his pocket and shot the guy in the head, at this point the whole bus was in shock and glued to the morbid scene, the two men got into a car and sped off. When I got back to Montie I was visibly shaken. I told my roommates what I had just seen. Then they got scared and said: “You’re moving with your auntie and uncle to Bel-Air”. I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said “FRESH” and it had dice in the mirror, If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought “Nah, forget it, Yo homes, to Bel-Air!” I pulled up to the house about 7:00 or 8:00 and i yelled to the cabby, “Yo homes, smell ya later!” looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the price of Bel-Air. (1 cock 8==DRock out with you're cock out) My dentist appointment went by pretty quickly today, I was there for about 30min for actual dental work. I gotta go back tomorrow morning to finish up. I might need a root canal, which I hear sucks, but hey maybe they will give me medical marijuana (jokes!), whatever, any pain medication is good medication, tho I think whiskey will do me fine. Ended having to pay a co-pay, they said it was gonna be $42/tooth, and they were only working on two teeth, no biggie, until they said it was actually gonna be like $250, but they let me off on only paying $126 this morning and would bill the rest. Awesome, I'm glad I have insurance for these things. At least my mom said she'd reimburse me, and lucky for me I have a credit card. On the plus side, I have two RV's to look at, I think I'm going to go look at one of them today before work. From what I hear they are both in really good condition, one of them is only a few years old, my understanding is, this one is like new, and will be less then $1000. Score! I also looked at a house today, in Holt. They only want $19,000 for it, I've got the OK from some family for some help with that, so I might buy it. 2 Bedroom, 1 Bath, Big ass garage. I think tomorrow after my appointment I'll swing by and take a few photo's of it. It'll be like working at Holt/Dimondale Agency all over again. How exciting. (2 cocks 8==DRock out with you're cock out) It's been awhile since I've really thought of using this blog on a regular basis. I doubt I'll start using it much, no one seems to want to read blogs anymore. So whats the point, if no one will read this. Fudge. Well lets start from the beginning. . . I have a dentist appointment in the morning, I gotta get all my damn teeth fixed before my insurance runs up. Insurance is going out the window in just a few short months, kinda scary. At least Obama is in office so I can probably go on the welfare, liberals are really good for something. I've made it a full year at work, I think thats the longest I've ever worked at one job, I don't know how I feel about that, I don't really know what I wanna do at this point. I hate working, but I like this job, and really, I'm sure I will never have a job again this easy. Then again, I have a knack for finding good jobs. I'm getting to be about done with World of Warcraft. Anyone wanna buy my account? My house sucks and it's full of nerds. I'm trying to find a decent RV, or a crappy one, whatever, I can fix it. I'm sick, fuck allergies. This medication isnt making me tired, despite it being called "nite time" and the day time shit says non-drowsy, I'm a retard for thinking the nite time stuff would knock me out, I could drink some whiskey, but then I run the risk of shitting out my liver in the morning again. Damnit. I want to go canoeing soon, or camping, or both. Really, I hate society, everything about it, I wanna go camping and not come back, which is why I need an RV. Well, thats that. (Rock out with you're cock out) last night I had a dream that I was an astronaut living at the International Space Station, but it was time to come home, and I for whatever reason just didnt pack my shit till the last second and almost had to leave a bunch of my stuff behind, but I... talked the crew into helping me and we made it just in time, but I had to site with a bunch of equipment on my lap. (Rock out with you're cock out) Anyone still using this thing? (2 cocks 8==DRock out with you're cock out) |
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